I'm old today. This is definitely not where I saw myself at the age of 30. 2008 has been a definite shit year for me, mostly of my own design. The comic thing is still a definite goal for me, but I work slowly. I want my projects to mean something personally to me. I no longer have the dreams of being a big superhero artist or writer. I would be perfectly content never having anything published by Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, Image, etc. I still love doodling and sketching all those big heroic characters, but the stories I need to tell need to be smaller, and need to be mine. The goal isn't fame and fortune in a dying industry, but rather longevity. Something that can sit on a bookshelf, something long-form. Nothing I do will be amazing. My genetic make-up won't allow me to be amazing, or allow anyone to tell me that it's amazing. But whatever I do, will be a labor of love for me, and me alone. It's taken me a very long time to come to that conclusion, and I'm ready to face it.Meanwhile, as I enter into my third decade, fallen out with two people I used to consider my closest friends, I'm still struggling to not completely shut myself off from the outside world. The biggest regrets in my life for the past 10 years all happened in this past year, but, it also helped me focus I think. I hope that someday I'll be able to reconcile with the people that I wronged, but that'll take time, and despite being what I officially consider old, I don't I'm yet mature enough to deal with that. After all, I still love comics.
This post is dedicated to Amanda and Bruce, the two people I wish I could be spending today with, but - due to my own fucked-up mindspace - can't.
3 comments:
Happy Birthday. And empathy for your lost friendships. Always a rough situation.
I can say that watching your artwork evolve over the last year or two here and on Newsarama has been an impressive sight. Inspiring actually. Even since our attempted collaboration with my Highway Defense League idea fell through I've been writing a lot more. Mostly because your few sketches and drawings of my characters really opened my eyes to what I really had.
So thanks for helping this guy find the drive to improve his skills.
Hey, I appreciate the comments you've been leaving, I really do. I at least know that I have two people checking out the blog when I do it. As for the Highway Defense League, I've actually been working on it for months, but it's so slow going, and I get distracted. I worked on it a little this weekend, but it had been so long since I did it, I forgot what the characters looked like. Trust me, finishing the HDL story is a priority for me. I will get it done.
But I'm really glad that I can help inspire you to keep writing. I definitely think with a slight polish, HDL can easily be one of those Indie sleeper hits.
Thanks for the b-day wishes and the empathy. I just need to shake my head out of my depression once in a while, and writing it down a bit helps keep from being lethargic and hermit-like.
"I've actually been working on it for months,"
Whoa, really? I had no idea. Color me excited to the max.
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